Harboring a resentment is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.

"...this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison." (Alcoholics Anonymous, Chapter 5.

Bill Wilson's "spiritual advisor", Father Ed Dowling, told him that the 6th and 7th steps were the steps that "separated the men from the boys"... yet, the Big Book seems to skip over them, devoting just 2 paragraphs (one of which is the 7th Step Prayer.)

At the meeting last night, the lead emphasized the importance of the 6th and 7th steps, in a way that really struck a chord for me. In the 3rd step, we "make a decision to turn our will and our life over the the care of God as we understand him." But it's in 6 and 7 that we act on that on a daily basis.

My troubles are of my own making, and largely due to me acting on my character defects. Taking action that can relieve those defects--steps 6 & 7--is me acting on my decision to put my higher power in charge.

Friends going back out... last night a couple folks talked about trying it again. One guy got home and his keys wouldn't work, so he broke in... turned out not to be his house. The other guy wound up back in detox after 2 days. Then a third guy talked about going to his friend's wake yesterday--mixing OxyContin and whiskey maybe wasn't the best idea.

The sad fact is, most alcoholics don't recover. No joke: it's a sobering thought.

On the flip side, I've heard this apocryphal story: somebody asked Bill W. if he would change anything in the big book. He reportedly said "Yes. In 'How it Works', where it says 'Seldom have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path'--that could be changed to 'Never...'."

Two nights in a row, and the discussion was on the first step... what a "coincidence."

My sponsor was adamant about me needing to take this step 100%, and so we chewed it over for a number of months. I was sure about the "powerless over alcohol" part, but "unmanagable?" I hadn't lost everything, still had my job, paid my bills (mostly)... and, as I half-joked, "I always managed to get a drink!"

But the other half of that was, I never managed not to get drunk. And, whatever else i "managed" to accomplish came after the drink... first things first, for this practicing alcoholic, meant that my drinking came before everything. Keeping the job was partly about protecting the supply (no money = no booze), and partly about protecting my self-image as a "functional" alcoholic. Just more denial.

I still have to do this step every day. As A. said on Friday: "Are you powerless over alcohol, and is your life unmanagable? Yes or No? 'Maybe' is a no. 'Sort of' is a no. 'Yes but...' is a no." If I don't think I'm still powerless, that my life is still unmanagable by me, then I'll start trying to manage it myself. And that's when I start getting in the way.