At my homegroup last night (it's a Big Book study group), we read the first half of Chapter 1, Bill's Story. From what we read, it really sounded like he "hit bottom" a number of times [pg 5, 7, 8]--and then drank again!

I remember at one of my first meetings, I'd picked up a little of the lingo, and I was explaining to someone that I "wasn't sure if I've 'hit bottom' yet." He just looked at me and said "You can decide."

For me, today, I make that decision every time I'm willing to accept help. It's not enough for me to say "I'm powerless"--I have to follow that up with action, with a willingness to let someone or something else help me.

Last night's lead mentioned "fake it 'til you make it." I heard that on my way to my first meeting, and (like most things at that point) I didn't understand it and I didn't like it. Later I heard "act as if"--for some reason, that didn't bother me as much.

Like it or not, I followed those suggestions--if nothing else, out of desperation. So I showed up, as if I was committed to the program, even tho I was still skeptical. I acted as if I wanted what was offered, even tho I mostly just wanted out of my jackpot. The important thing was, I took action. And some time later, I noticed almost by accident that I had changed... most significantly, I hadn't taken a drink. I never thought that would happen for me.

Much later, I heard "You can't think your way to sober living. You have to live your way to sober thinking." It's an action program.

This blog is dedicated to my sponser, Harry G. His example of keeping it simple, showing up, and helping others was the key in carrying the message to me when I first came to the rooms, and he continues to be a power of example to me and to others.